I briefly touched on this new fangled old fashioned thing I am doing in my love life in my last post, and tonight I thought I would talk more about it.
"I think you need to talk to my dad if you want to date me."
This is not a phrase you hear many people say anymore, I mean it is 2015. But that is the exact phrase I uttered not to long ago, from my thirty-two year old mouth. I know what your thinking, uhm AmyReneé there are easier ways to turn a guy down. But you need to know that 1) Even though those words came out of my mouth, I did not speak them. and 2) I did not want to turn this guy down.
I have had a different dating life than most, and I have a feeling in the next few weeks I will devulge more on that topic but tonight we will do a synopsis. I never went on one single date in highschool, my first date was when I was 20 years old, and I didnt go on another until I was 23, and that one was when i got my first kiss. About 3 months after that I started dating my first serious boyfriend and we dated for 4 years and near the end of that relationship I had decided for us when we were getting married, date and all. After that ended (badly) I didn't date again for 2 years. When I did start dating again I pressured it to be a serious relationship and it ended (badly). It would be another year and a half before I would think about actually dating, although I did take this time in my 30's to decide to kiss boys and try to play the 'game' that ended (badly) and I tried another serious relationship, but it didn't work out.
Through these failed relationships I had a list of rules, the infamous 10 rules for dating AmyReneé. The reason they are infamous is because none, not one of the guys I had serious relationships with actually fit those rules. I sat down after the last failed relationship and subsequent failed rebound, and thought what am I doing to myself. I can't pick and choose which rules can apply and which ones cant. I had these guidelines and ignored them so i could have companionship. I took a good long look at the list and realized that the first rule was really the only one that mattered, Must be actively pursuing a relationship with Christ, and that didnt matter just for him. That mattered for me too.
I sat in my house crying over this rejection of self. I had to become the girl I wanted to date.
I have always been pursuing a relationship with Christ. I am a christian and love Jesus. But sometimes more than not I wasnt active in my pursuit. I was so passive. I listened to Christian Music and went to Church on sundays I was off from work. I read my devotional when i had time. My friends knew where i stood on Christian subjects. But I was expecting Christ to do the work in me. I realized my pursuit was active when i needed it to be, and stalled when i neede dit to be. That is why I couldnt be at peace in my relationships
No comments:
Post a Comment