Plus Size and Pregnant

It has taken me eight weeks to write this, and that is because it still does not feel real.

I am pregnant. I AmyRenee am pregnant. No matter how many times I say it out loud it still doesn't feel real.

I say this because I am certain I can not be the only one, even though I feel like I am the only one. By the 13th week (which is where we are now) most women are showing, they have a cute little bump. But I am a plus-size woman...I have had a jiggly little bump for as long as I can remember.

I was lucky enough to not have morning sickness, which has only added to the disbelief. I have had 2 ultrasounds, which show this amazing little baby. I've seen dozens of ultrasounds from my friends over the years, perhaps that's why I still can't wrap my head around it, perhaps internally I feel like I am looking at someone else's ultrasound.

I have waited 35 years to experience this, I found out I was pregnant on my 35th birthday. Prior to that day I had been told for over 10 years I simply would not have children on my own. I had put that in a tidy little box in the back of my mind, not to be opened until I was married and trying. I did not get married until I was 32 years old, past my twenties...the prime time to carry a baby. My husband and I tried for over a year. But no baby. I tracked, I tracked my period, I tracked my ovulation, I tracked my temperature, I tracked my weight, I tracked my meals, I tracked our love life. But none of the tracking produced results. I was still barren. I mourned. And then I accepted it. I accepted the fact I would not be a mother, I would just be an awesome step mom. I had a month where I did not weep when that time of the month came and went, I accepted it. Then as they always say the unexpected happened. I was late, and my body felt different.

I hollered at my husband from the bathroom to please come tell me if this is what I was actually seeing. I took a test everyday for over a week, (sometimes twice a day) I held on to the ultrasound that we were given during the 5th week for a while. It made me teary. But then it went away.

I should be ecstatic, and I am on a level.

But as a plus-size woman, I do not look pregnant. I will not look pregnant for a very long time. As my cute smaller sized friends who are due around the same time as me post their wonderful bump pictures. I feel in disbelief. I do not have a bump, I have a jelly roll.

I am a plus-size pregnant woman. I am 13 weeks pregnant. I wish I was a cute pregnant girl, but I just look like a regular ole fat girl. I want to believe it.

Maybe once Baby J kicks, I will actually feel pregnant.